New Year…New me?

17 02 2012

First, let me say “I’m sorry” for not posting in forever.  I need to get back to it.  I’ve just been lazy.

I realize that it’s mid February and most people have already broken their resolutions for the year.  But I want to post about my hopes for 2012.  I mean, what else is there really to talk about, right?

So, I’ve spent the couple of months reflecting on the time  I spent in Barranquilla.  I got back in Oklahoma on December 15.  Then I spent a couple of days in Oklahoma City with my sister and a brief visit with some of my friends.  After that I spent about 10 days in Stilwell with my family.  Then a couple of days in Dallas to visit a friend.  It wasn’t until I got back to Oklahoma City on New Year’s Eve that reverse culture shock set in.  I found myself incredibly uncomfortable with my friends.  There were all of these jokes that I didn’t get because I wasn’t there for 6 months. Plus our annual NYE dinner is with all of our friends so I was just kind of overwhelmed by the size of the group, which is weird because I was in large groups in Barranquilla all the time.  Basically, it was awkward for me and I have NO IDEA why.  None.

Well, I’m completely over the awkwardness now.  I am glad to be back amongst friends and family and things I understand.  Don’t get me wrong, I REALLY miss Barranquilla and I’m already plotting to get back to visit by the end of the year.  But I’ve got a job here now which means I finally have income.  This is so nice.  I’ve got my mutt back and we’re just living the dream, I guess.

But onto more important things.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve been back, I feel different.  Motivated.  Generous.  Thoughtful.  I describe it as feeling “adult.” As we all know, I’m 28 now.  I’ve come to terms with this.  I’ve decided that some of the things I do that are childish, wastes of times must be put away.  I have big dreams for myself and I need to focus myself and develop some discipline.

I also have to stop thinking of it as “my money.”  It’s not my money.  It’s God’s money.  And if he says to give it to someone else instead of putting it toward my savings account, I have to trust that I’ll be taken care of when push comes to shove.  Of course I’m still going to put what I can in my savings account.

I also have to stop thinking of it as “my time.”  I can’t be generous with others if I am “busy.”  This doesn’t mean I don’t have a full schedule (I’ve been all full up the last couple of weeks), but I think that busy-ness is our culture’s way of selfishly hoarding our spare time instead of selflessly giving ourselves to others in service.  Of course, a night in with my pup and a good book never hurt anything.

Basically, in all I do, I want to be able to serve others without overextending myself in an unhealthy way.  Pray with me and for me as I do this.

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